“Tim has had designs on Alice in Wonderland since before he was famous. He has a knack for turning what seems like stories for just kids into gripping, spooky fables loved just as much by adults.”
The movie is planned to be released on 2010. Another Johnny Depp flick to watch out for.
I received an e-mail from my former professor and had me laughing my ass off. So i decided to share it.
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
“Breast-fed” she replied.
“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, “No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.”
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There was this Pinay named Maria who was born and raised in Olongapo City . She met her husband, John while he was stationed at Subic Bay Naval Base.
Maria doesn’t have an excellent command of the English language, but she and John manage to communicate. One day, Maria decided to cook a big dinner for John, so she called John up at work and told him to come home straight from work.
John and his co-workers had been working long hours trying to finish up a project their admiral had assigned weeks ago, so they were excited to finally finish it. They decided to go to the ship’s chow hall to celebrate.
When John came home around midnight, he realized he forgot about the dinner that Maria had made for him. As Maria came out of the kitchen, John began to explain.
John: “Honey, I’m really sorry. The guys decided to celebrate a little bit, so we ended up eating at the ship.”
Maria: ” Ah, like ! that, ha? I cook the house for you, you eat the ship! ”
John: “Honey, I’m really sorry.”
Maria: ” Ahh! Don’t sorry to me! From now, you do your do, I do my do! You harden there! ”
[Maria's Tagalog translation] Ah, ganon ha? Pinagluto kita dito sa bahay, kumain ka naman sa barko! Mula ngayon, gawin mo ang gusto mong gawin, gagawin ko ang gusto kong gawin! MANIGAS KA DIYAN!
This is Maria’s story. If you didn’t find it as funny, oh well…
YOU HARDEN THERE!
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ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT’S MEDICAL CHARTS at PHILIPPINE> GENERAL HOSPITAL (PGH):
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. (subukan mo kaya!)
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. (gosh where did it go?)
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. (I bet!!!)
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. (duh???)
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. (bakit kaya?)
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. The patient refused autopsy.
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides. (edi sana patay na sya ngayun kung meron)
9. She is numb from her toes down (san kaya yun aabot?)
10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. (wow another sex video?)
11. The skin was moist and dry. (I wonder how it looks)
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. (ano ba talaga lola?)
13. Patient was alert and unresponsive. (that I have yet to see)
14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (how did it get there)
15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. (men can be such a pain in the neck)
16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. (Oh!)
17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. (what the?!?)
18. Skin: somewhat pale but present. (lemme think)
19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. (so abnormal pala ako?)
The actual sentences from PGH had me ROFL, but no matter how funny it is, it’s still embarrassing to know how STUPID our nurses are. I’m not saying all, but most.
This video is not only applicable to the U.S., but to every one in every country who has the right to vote for a better future.
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